Bleed It Out
by Gorgeous Courage
Summary: Jake Baker, now a teenager, gets through tough times with that one thing that he always depends on. Songfic. May be disturbing to some readers. OOC, swearing, and self injury follows. This is a oneshot. Please R&R. Thanks. Rated M to be on the safe side.


**Story: **Bleed It Out

**Author: **Her.xx

**Rating: **M

**Fandom: **Cheaper By The Dozen

**Summary: **Jake Baker, now a teenager, gets through tough times with that one thing that he always depends on. Songfic. May be disturbing to some readers. OOC, swearing, and self injury follows. This is a one-shot.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of Cheaper By The Dozen, nor do I own the lyrics to Linkin Park's song titled 'Bleed It Out'. I am just borrowing for fun. Please don't sue me.

**Notes: **Warning: This fic includes graphic descriptions of self-injury and may be disturbing to some readers. This also includes OOCness, and swearing, just so you're warned. Please enjoy. Reviews are appreciated.

_**Bleed It Out**_

_I can't take tihs anymore,_ fourteen year old Jake Baker thought. _I __**need**__ release now._ He bit back the anger and hurt of his father's daily lecturing of his poor grades as he shuffled towards the second floor bathroom, searching for a song on his new blue iPod. He couldn't understand why nobody could get it through their thick skulls that he was **fine**. He was fine. Sure, he wasn't _perfectly_ happy, but how can you really be, in a two storey house that held twelve other people and one lively dog.

_**Here we go for the hundredth time,  
Hand grenade pins in every line,  
Throw 'em up and let something shine.  
Going out of my fucking mind.**_

_Going out my fucking mind is right,_ Jake reflected. He vaguely heard his name travelling up the spiral staircase, but continued to his destination. He reached into his right jeans front pocket and felt a wave of relief wash over him as he felt the small, silver object laying there. He raised the volume of Linkin Park's '_Bleed It Out_', till he could feel the air literally beating against his ear canals.

_**Bled myself out and no one cares.  
Dug a trench out, laid down there  
With a shovel up out to reach somewhere.  
Yeah someone pour it in,  
Make it a dirt dance floor again.**_

The first time Jake had heard the song on the radio, he felt connected to some voice that seemed to be going through what he was. When he voiced his opion of the song, his twin Sarah had just called him an emo junkie. _So much for what she knows,_ Jake thought disgustedly.

_**I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away.**_

Closing the bathroom door behind him softly, Jake settled on the linoleum floor and dug out his trusty sharp, silver blade, being especially careful not to jostle his iPod or make too much noise. He still felt...uneasy as he rolled up the left sleeve of his navy blue hoodie. He'd been through this routine many times, in many different locations. Jake knew that he needed his 'medication'. It made him feel alive and expelled his negative feelings and thoughts. For the time being. He lowered the blade to the middle of his under forearm...

_**Candy paint on his brand new hearse.  
Can't contain him, he knows he works.  
Fuck this hurts, I won't lie.  
Doesn't matter how hard I try.**_

He pressed in deeper as he travelled down his arm, making a longer gash than he normally would have. But, afterall, this was a special occasion. His report card had been reviewed by his parents. He loved them...But, God, if they could just tone it down a little on the lectures. He inhaled deeply, feeling that typical rush he always received after cutting. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

_**Say your prayers and stomp it out,  
When they bring that chorus in.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.**_

Jake brought his blood covered left arm up to his lips as he licked the blood away. He reached for a bit of toilet paper, pressing down on the wound. He winced a bit, it stung. But it was fucking worth it. Fucking worth all the pain and anger he felt over the last few years. Some part of him was hoping that his brothers and sisters didn't notice that he continued to wear long sleeves, even though the weather out side was getting warmer and warmer as the days went on. Jake _knew_ that he should stop, that he had to. But, he didn't want to give up the one thing that had been getting him through each and every day. He had to.

_**I've opened up these scars,  
I'll make you face this.  
I pulled myself so far,  
I'll make you face this now.**_

Jake glanced over his numerous self inflicted scars all over his arms and shoulders, some old, some freshly new. He sighed, realizing that he should probably get cleaned up and return to his room, before someone came and--

_**I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away.**_

Just at that moment, Jake's twin Sarah walked in. She stopped right dead in her tracks as she viewed the sight before her. Jake with a razor blade, blood on the floor, a long gash running down his arm, Jake staring at her in fear and remorse. For a few seconds, neither said anything. Then, Sarah said in an unusually soft voice for her, "Jake, what's wrong?"

Jake looked at her, and replied, "Nothing." and started to roll down his sleeve to cover the offending part.

But Sarah reached over and stopped him."Jake. Tell me. What's wrong? How long have you been doing this?"

Before he knew what was happening, Jake's eyesight began to blur. He felt his sister kneel next to him and put her arm around him.

"It's okay, Jake." Sarah replied, as she watched big, fat tears roll down his cheeks.

He took a deep shuddering breath. "I've been doing it for a couple years. I just couldn't handle anything. I'm sorry if you hate me now because you think I'm emo." He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"Is that why you like that song 'Bleed It Out' so much?" She whispered. Jake just nodded. He rose and started clearing the bathroom of evidence of his happenings.

"Jake?" Sarah said.

"What?"

"I won't tell anyone. I promise." And Jake knew she was serious, by the way she looked. She wouldn't tell anyone. At least not until he said so.

_**I bleed it out.  
I bleed it out.  
I bleed it out.**_

_**The End**_

_**  
**_


End file.
